Blargh! Queries! Warning: Rant Ahead.

<rant>

My darling indies:

I beseech you! Read these lovely things I put ahead of my “query here” box.

How to query.

Check out Query Shark. No, seriously. Give this a read before you fill out the box below.

I promise I didn’t take ALL THIS TIME to post something useless.

I mean, is everyone missing the part where I say, “No, seriously.” Should I put it in huge letters??? GARRRR. I’m so sick of receiving queries along the lines:

Raleigh,

(FIRST OFF YOU SPELLED MY NAME WRONG. Now I really don’t want to continue reading. It’s not that hard to copy + paste. It’s really not.)

I’d really like you to read my book.

No shiz. You’re wasting time. Get to the good stuff. I’m getting bored.

Look at my blog/webpage/author site for the synopsis.

Seriously?! First of all, don’t tell me what to do. Second of all, don’t give me homework. I’ve just sent your request to my “denied review” folder.

Signed,

Writer-who-will-not-be-getting-a-review-from-me.


Now, I’m not saying you have to write me a bleeding love letter. I don’t want flattery or schmoozing or anything like that. But I do need the following:

Step 1:  Raeleigh, or Dear Raeleigh, or some kind of address. I don’t care what it is just spell my name right!

Step 2:  <singing>Hit me with your best shot!</singing> I’m not kidding. Jump right in to your blurb. I don’t want background information or the setting or the time period. I want to know what is at stake! I can get those fiddly details later.

Step 3: Title of Book is insert-genre-here, complete at X words.

Step 4: Now add any other relevant information you think I need. Have you published in the past? Won contests? Had a big publisher/magazine/etc. say something awesome about you? Put it here.

Thank you for your time and consideration,

Your Name


I’ve been trying for years now to get people to check out Query Shark. I don’t know why they won’t. She’s amazeballs. (Obviously if you have and you’re querying per her instructions this doesn’t apply to you so stop yelling at me!)

Last thing: I don’t respond if I’m not going to review something. I used to, but now I get too many submissions. I’d be writing, “I’m sorry, but…” emails all day if I replied to everyone. SO, if you haven’t heard from me and it’s been a couple of weeks since you queried, that’s me passing. It could be because your query was a catastrophe or it could just be because I don’t have much time and I can’t accept everything that comes my way.

Keep writing. Keep getting better.

</rant>

 

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